Letter to My Unborn Grandson

To Reid Kelly Munger

June 2025

Hi Reid,

When your mom was about six months pregnant with you, she asked friends and relatives to write you a letter for you to read when you are 18 years old. Here is what I wrote:

Dear Reid (about July 8, 2043),

Writing this even before you were born. I’m long gone now. Wish I’d gotten to hang out with you more. One thing I’d bet, though, it hasn’t been that easy for you. Ups and downs. Maybe even therapy along the way.

But know this, you were wanted and loved s000 much by your parents and your extended family. You will appreciate all this when you become a parent, or even more…a grandparent.

Even though I didn’t get to know you, I love you to the moon and back.

Grandpa Rick

April 2025

That little note is OK, but I’d like to elaborate.

Personal

Reid, my hope for you:  get infected with Martha Graham’s Devine Dissatisfaction.

There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium; and be lost. The world will not have it.

It is not your business to determine how good it is, not how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep open and aware directly to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open.

No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer, divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.

Your Gold

Nobel Prize physicist Richard Feynman: “Finding out things, that is the gold.” Be curious. Take on unusual challenges. Maybe find out something new. It will shape your life.

I had three major ones.

1) The Drag Racing Seminar. The difference between professional and amateur drag racers.

2) PhD Dissertation: How popular music presages changes in systems of psychotherapy.

3) Speaking to the Big Dogs. How communicating with C-level leadership is altogether different than any other kind of communication.

Ask your mom. She knows about my story.

Mentors

A mentor will take a personal interest in you and coach you. May be short-lived, or go on for years.

This relationship is almost never with your parents. It usually happens when you leave home. This is why professors or bosses in our first jobs will shape your thinking and future outcomes.

Only well into my 50s or 60s did I fully understand how they helped shape who I became. Here, in the order I met them in life:

All five of these people saw more in me than I saw in myself. Only as an adult about to become a grandfather, do I understand that I was as important to them, as they were to me.

As you leave home to find your way in the world, search out mentors. Stay in touch with them over the years. You will mean more to them than you can know. In later life, become one. That relationship will be hugely important to you…even give your later years meaning. 

Religion

Total bullshit. Leave it alone. It promotes stupid thinking which leads humanity over a cliff. If you ever have children, skip Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, and Jesus. All made up nonsense. Encourage logic and science. Period.

Shit Detector

If you reject religious nonsense, then chances are you’ve developed a good bullshit detector. Apply it to all aspects of life, especially politics. Ask yourself, “Does this even make sense? Is this reasonable?” Professors. Friends and relatives. Politicians. Salespeople. The gambit.

Social

Sex and Romance

Have sex early and often. It is good for you. You and your partner(s) should use birth control. If that fails, do not hesitate to get an abortion. Not wonderful, but sometimes the best option. Be slow to marry and have children. As they say, “keep your options open.”

Do not let romance be too important in your life. It should be secondary to work and “finding things out.” Your “Divine dissatisfaction” should be #1.

Groups

I have been sustained by groups, especially in old age,. Men’s Group. High School Alumni Group. Neighborhood Group. You can form such groups anytime. People will be grateful.

Put the Chairs in a Circle and Listen. People will talk. Successes. Failures. Adventures. People want to listen and be heard. Focus groups on serious, personal, deep issues. Avoid trivialities like the weather and sports scores.

Favorite Quotes

Voltaire

The comfort of the rich depends on an abundant supply of the poor. 

Coming from privilege could inure you to the struggles of the poor. Remember, we get no credit for the luck of our births. The poor will make your life easier. Acknowledge them. Be generous toward them.

Louis Brandeis

You can have democracy or you can have great wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but you cannot have both.

John Adams

My grandfather was a warrior so my father could be a businessman so I could be an artist.   

My great grandfather was a warrior so my grandfather and father could be businessmen so I could be an artist. My guess, Reid, you will turn out to be more of an artist than a warrior.

Money

I had huge disinterest in things financial (never even balanced my check book). It hurt me in life. Knowing how money works will give you a “heads up” on life. It is not as important as all this other stuff, but it runs everything.

Ancestry

From the Gilbert side: sperm and egg, sperm and egg, coming down the line.

So, Dear Reid, we’re all just links in a chain. Here’s wishing you a life filled with purpose and “Divine Dissatisfaction.” Happiness is optional.

Love, Rick

June 2025