Ask your doctor…

Ask your doctor… if your heart is healthy enough for Let ‘er Rip. It could be a question of blood flow. 

While Let ‘er Rip can give you uncontrolled laughter and insights into the blindingly obvious, it can also create feelings of existential dread, plus suicidal and homicidal ideation. Ask your doctor if suicide or homicide is right for you.

Let ‘er Rip is not for everyone. People who lead lives of “quiet desperation”  may find Let ‘er Rip too stimulating for daily use. This can result in constipation, sweating, dry mouth, heart palpitations, and impotency. 

Tell your doctor if Let ‘er Rip is resulting in unusually high levels of sexual desire. When you are reading Let ‘er Rip and the mood turns romantic, why take a pill? If you find yourself reading Let ‘er Rip for more than four hours, go to the emergency room right away. Then ask the ER doctor if you should go to the ER. 

Stop reading Let ‘er Rip immediately if you experience vomiting, heart attack, serious depression, voices in your head, trouble breathing, Alzheimer’s, ringing in your ears, hemorrhoids, or herpes. 

Ask your doctor if it is OK to ask your doctor. 

The AMA reports that some doctors have punched patients in the face and strangled them with their stethoscopes for asking too many stupid questions. Other doctors are asking patients how they plan to pay for all this advice? Cash? Insurance? Medi-care? Ask your doctor to bill the pharmaceutical companies who are creating all this nonsense.

Ask your doctor how much all this time costs the American tax payers to answer asinine questions that drug companies tell us to ask in TV commercials. Ask your lawyer if you and your doctor should sue Big Pharma. 

And while you’re at it, 

Ask your priest if it is OK not to believe in God. Tell your priest if you are thinking a lot about choir boys.

Ask your accountant if it is OK to join a pyramid scheme. Tell your accountant if you are having fantasies of being Bernie Madoff. 

According to an article in the New England Journal of Medicine, the last words a dying patient said, who was being strangled by her doctor were, “But the TV ads told me to ‘ask my doctor.'” 

5 thoughts on “Ask your doctor…

  1. Hi Rick….just had to let you know I fell off my chair laughing as I read your “Ask your doctor..” article. So true…right on!
    By the way, I always check-out “Let’er Rip” and really enjoy it. I find it timely, humorous and thought provoking. You’re great!

  2. Hi Rick, this doctor seems to be my clone. Would consulting him not constitute self medication? I need a second opinion, urgently.

  3. I agree with Renee about "Let ‘er Rip" generally and ROTFLMAO while reading today’s edition.

    Indeed, pity the docs for being misused by big pharma.

    Pity all of us for the increased costs of health care brought on by this big pharma nonsense!

  4. Those ads drive me crazy. So many side effects listed that I always wonder how anybody would want to use the drug being advertised. Great spoof, Rick.

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