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A Great Day for the MAGA Base

(Dear readers: this is parody. This is how Trumpism leads us back to the good ol’ 900s!)

• Embryos are Children. What’s next? Males masturbating is murder, that’s what. Spend the rest of your life in prison.  Have an abortion? You will be put to death (kill a fetus, we kill you).
• Gay Marriage. Alito wants to overturn this decision. About time. Commit sodomy – go to prison.
• Birth Control. Clarence Thomas wants to outlaw it. Yes. Back the 50s.Please tell no one about my vasectomy. I’ve heard that will also become a capital offense.
• Sex Outside Marriage? You will be stoned to death, just like the Bible says.
• Interracial Marriage. Let’s review the Loving decision. No more. Clarence Thomas’ and Mitch McConnell’s marriages will become illegal.

Other exciting possibilities coming down the road:

• Overturn Brown v. Board of Education. Back to “Separate but equal.”
• Separation of Church and State. What demented commie / atheist came up with that idea? This country was founded by God. Our currency should say, “What would Jesus do?” There’s a good reason people are saying Trump was sent by God. It is time we put the Ten Commandments on every public building in town.
• School Prayer? You bet. Three or four times a day. If your liberal, pinko parents have a problem with that, tell ’em to do home schooling.
• Cruel and Unusual Punishment? From now on, you steal, we cut off your hands.  There isn’t much stealing in Iran!
• Second Amendment. Clearly it meant to include tanks, attack helicopters and low-yield nuclear weapons.
• School Choice. The end of public education! Privatize everything. If you can’t afford private education, too bad. You just didn’t work hard enough, or, it is God’s plan for you. Puleeeze, why would poor people want education anyway? They don’t need to be able to read to work in the rich man’s field.
• Public Universities. Put an end to land-grant and other colleges. If you can’t afford a fine private education, you don’t deserve to go to college. San Francisco State University…ha, ha, ha. You’ve got to be kidding.
• End Social Security, Medicare, and Obamacare. As my enlightened, Ayn Rand father used to say about tax-supported “safety net” social programs, “Why the hell is that my problem!”
• Reverse the 19th., 13th., and 15th Amendments. Why would we want to let women and former enslaved people vote? In fact, maybe slavery wasn’t such a bad idea after all. Remember, our sacred Bible says it is OK. Hopefully, we will return to a time when only white, wealthy landowners can vote. After all, they know what is best.
• Child labor laws? Labor unions? Five-day, 40-hour work week? Give me a break. We’re happy hoeing in the field all day, every day, from daybreak to sunset. What else do we have to do?
• Rethink the Declaration of Independence. So what was so bad about being ruled by a king? This democracy thing just isn’t working out.
• The Magna Carta. Time to go back to the 1200s and dump the Magna Carta. Why are these personal rights so damned important anyway? Look at it this way, as Serfs working in the fields, we will be taken care of by our Lords. We won’t have to worry about all this messy democratic decision making. . .

A new day for us at MAGA !